Fate and forgivness

It's funny how it's all about the numbers with you. You say you want to settle down but clearly that's a lie... it's still all about the notches on your belt. It's unfortunate that I feel no sympathy for you being hurt twice now. You had the best of the best and you let it go (hehe--gotta sneak my ego's two cents' worth in there). That's your loss. Maybe if you're looking for something real you should keep your belt tightened and get to know people on a more personal level... stop searching out fate--it will come when it's good and ready.

I suppose I should heed my own advice, but of course that's easier said than done. I am looking... but not actively looking. Or am I? More like my eyes are open but they're being incredibly picky. Which I don't think is a bad thing. It's tough being lonely... and that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. There are people I'm interested in, but they're either taken or I don't really know them enough to say "hey wanna go grab a coffee sometime?"

There's been a lot of drama going on within my group of friends. I've been trying to distance myself from it, but I'm starting to feel like maybe this is just the norm and I've never noticed it before. It's frustrating... aren't we all older than this? And can't we have group "gatherings" where everyone is invited, not just a select few? I'm tired of it and quite frankly I'm more and more thankful for the few friends who aren't really a part of it and also for my family. As much as my friends really do fill a void in my soul, I'm finding that a few of them bring more stress to my life than necessary. So filling the void with more family time, more "me" time, or more time with other friends isn't as painful as I once thought it might be.

It's funny... I've been thinking lately about forgiveness. I do forgive a lot of people who have wronged me in the past. But I never forget, and that might be where the problem lies. Once someone has wronged me my guard is up. And it takes a long time to break that guard back down--if it ever happens. I feel good about this in general... it's good that I can look at people that I got in a huge fight with a few years ago and feel that if we bumped into each other somewhere, I'd be totally okay chatting with them. Overall I think I've gotten better at forgiving people but I don't entirely believe in forgetting, because if we forget the experience we risk losing the lesson learned. Is it okay to forgive and not forget? I think so. Unfortunately the whole process is a very long one for me.

On a completely unrelated note, I had a fabulous time at the Tegan and Sara concert the other night! Good fun with good friends... and if there was any drama, I wasn't a part of it. I have a whole new respect for Tegan and Sara after seeing them live. I went from "yeah they're alright" to "OMG they're awesome!!" Lots of memories associated with a few songs.

Anyway it's late and I can't think of anything else intelligent to say--I do have another blog in mind but it will have to wait till I'm awake and can type properly :)