I love it when friends stab me in the back. Love it! Especially when I find out about it through other people. I'm not a very sneaky person... most of the time people know my intentions. But clearly some people just don't care, and are in it for themselves. And who am I to talk... I probably would be too. It just makes me livid that I come so damn close to something I've been waiting for, something I think I have a realistic shot at, and then it gets yanked out from under me ten times faster than it came. I am seriously at my wits' end. I am pissed off at people... pissed off at the situation... and pissed off at myself. I can't be positive and nice and happy anymore... I'm so fucking done. I need to let off some steam... this is steam and anger and frustration for everything in my life that is pissing me off right now, and everything that has been pissing me off for the past 4 months but I've chosen to ignore it. Kinda makes me wonder if you did this on purpose... wouldn't put it past you I suppose.
It's so hard sometimes to keep my cool and not destrory everything around me. I'm probably as far as you can get from being a physical or violent person but I have to admit that right now the temptation to throw my cell phone at the wall and bash my computer monitor in is pretty strong. I know in a few hours I would regret doing these things, so instead I'm writing it out and listening to Eminem. His lyrics got me through one of the toughest periods of my life, and once again they're proving to be helpful. His rage is an extension of my own, and it feels good. Like he's yelling his anger to the world exactly like I want to do right now.
Perhaps I can take pride in the fact that I don't fuck and chuck. But is that something I should have to take pride in? Isn't common human courtesy and respect for other peoples' feelings only natural? Apparently not.
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