Life, Death, and the Things In Between

"All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..."


There have been a few big things on my mind lately. Let's start with the biggest: death. In the course of the past week I've read/started reading two books (both fiction) dealing with death, and I've experienced a death. Not someone that I was super close to, but close enough for it to have an impact. I guess it leaves me wanting to change... change my life, change who I am, and change my priorities. I don't mean big changes, but I think paying attention to the smaller things is never a bad idea. The smaller day-to-day choices, and thinking about how they'll enrich my life or even how they'll impact others. One of the books I read was Mitch Albom's "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". It got me thinking about if this were true... if there were five people waiting for me, who would they be and what would they have to say? Who would I in turn be waiting for? Although I am famous for over-analyzing things, I think there are just as many instances where I'm too hasty with my decisions. I need to keep striving for balance.

The next big thing on my mind is dealing with my best friend moving. Wow, that sounds so third grade-ish of me lol. I've never handled loss well... and although this is very minor in the bigger scope of things, it is still a loss in a sense. Once again the fear of the unknown rears its ugly head. I'm not sure how to deal with going from having someone be such a physical presence in my life to relying on technology to keep in touch. This sounds so stupid as I read it... I really don't feel like I'm conveying my thoughts and feelings accurately. I think the biggest fear is, what if I need you and you're not there? I have a couple of people I know I can always turn to in a personal crisis... and believe me, my definition of "crisis" can be very... shallow lol. But it's that fear of "who do I turn to now?" when I need someone right there, right then. This is a friendship that has had plenty of ups and a few downs along the way, and I'm confident that whatever happens we won't ever lose that. But just not being able to go places and do things together nearly as often is going to suck. I am super happy/excited for the new opportunities that await her, but sad that I'm going to be separated from someone who is such a huge part of my life. Spontaneity is pretty much out of the question now.

Things are continuing to go well for me. I'm being handed a lot more responsibility at work, though hopefully it's only temporary. My finances are in order to the point where I was actually able to splurge on myself last week and buy a few new clothes! I can't remember the last time I got to do that! I am blessed with health and happiness, as is my family for the most part. 2010 has been absolutely wonderful so far, and I can only hope the good fortune keeps up.

Looking forward to summer and all the adventures it brings! :D