Another breakthrough as I type!

Do you ever feel like you need to just get away? It's strange, because my whole life has been built around establishing roots. It's odd that I only made the connection within the last month: I spent my childhood going back and forth so now as an adult I crave the stability I felt I didn't have as a child. I saved myself literally thousands of dollars in therapy with that realization lol. I've worked so hard to establish a career and my own home, one where I call the shots regarding when and where I move. Despite having those things, I still feel kind of empty inside.

Things with my friends have kind of fallen apart over the past six months. Not so much my relationships with them--that part is fine. But people are breaking up and moving/talking of moving away, and it makes me really sad to think that this great big bubble I've been living in for the past four years just might be weakening. People are moving on... when I think of the "core group" of friends I had four years ago... it's changed. Expanded and drifted apart. It makes me really sad... and I think I've just had another thousand dollar therapy breakthrough literally as I type this. I crave stability in my relationships too. Clearly that was lacking when I was a kid... so I'm trying to get it now. But it's one of those things I can't control, unlike my own quest for a home and a career. That's it... that's why I'm so upset! Once again it comes down to me not being able to control everything about my life lol.

I feel the urge to get away... just up and leave everything I've worked so hard for and start fresh somewhere else. Maybe deep down inside I enjoy the challenge of trying to achieve my goals. But I think it's more a matter of feeling like the emotional influences in my life have gone stagnant, and I need to turn somewhere else. I find myself working so hard to fill this emotional void in my life... I'm reading, going for walks, trying to be a bit more spontaneous in hopes that it will bring some emotional fulfillment to my life. But it's hard to tell if it's working. Sure I'm happy... I love my home, my cats, my family, and my friends (as much as it seems we're drifting apart...). I have an awesome job, a wonderful boss, great co-workers, and a general state of order in my life that is probably far beyond obsessive-compulsive lol. There's really not much for me to be dissatisfied with. So why would I even consider putting that all on the line to just walk away and start over somewhere else? Hope... hope that there is a greater, deeper happiness out there for me. Love. Finding someone to reflect back onto me the love that I feel for the world. I think I've turned into a bit of a hopeless romantic, and I'm not so sure it's a side I want a lot of people to know about lol... gotta keep up my reputation :P

I'm not the kind of person to stand on buildings and scream my cause to the world. I'm content going about my life letting others fight for what they believe in. Sure I have opinions, but I'm not the in-your-face type that cares to organize protests and boycotts and rallies. I prefer to live a quiet life, keeping to myself for the most part and letting others be. Is that part of the problem? Do I need to start being more aggressive to get what I want?

Tonight's words of advice: "There is always hope, just not on the time schedule we want"