Texts from last night

I don't know about you, but I have a bad habit of keeping text messages on my phone. I'm constantly being reminded that I'm running out of room. I've got some pretty good ones on there (both sent and received) and I thought I'd throw them out there for anyone who actually reads my blog lol. Identifying details have been modified/removed. As I mentioned some of these are ones I've sent so I'll take partial credit for the brilliance :P

- I wish I had a video camera. My dog high on stain fumes is funny.
- After 3 days of yogurt, pudding and apple sauce this is the best fucking cheeseburger I've ever had
- Now be honest have you tried one of your cats Temptations?
- Wine all gone. Now what?
- Remind me why I think I can go beer for beer with the boys
- I'm here I'm queer get your ass out here... when you're ready that is.
- Do you need clay for anything? I could make you a bowl or something
- Why the fuck do my Lucky Charms have jebus fish in them??
- Who needs Febreeze when your house smells like pulled pork?!
- How do you take live lobster home from the grocery store?
- Save.ca has a coupon for All-Bran Bars. I recommend choc. chip. You will never poop so good! It's good shit!
- Wouldn't it be great if snot was actually fat cells? I would have lost like 10 pounds in the last 24 hours!

There ya have it... words of wisdom, words to live by, and thoughts to ponder! :)