Wow... where to even begin?! I've had more fun in the past three weeks than I have in probably the last three years, and there's been a huge development in my life.
Cutting right to the chase: I took last Wednesday off to prepare for Ness Creek. I'd sworn it off for four years because I didn't have much fun last time I went. This time, however, I was much more prepared. I knew what to expect and I was assured that the camping would be in a better location. I got up at 3:30 Thursday morning, packed my cooler and the last minute things in the car, and made it to Tim Horton's for 4:45 to meet my fellow 5 a.m. convoy-ers. We made a couple of stops along the way and ended up getting to Ness shortly after 8:00. We kicked around for the morning... did some visiting, snuck in and roped off some campsites, and tried to sleep for a bit. The gates opened at noon and the fun began!
I had a pretty sweet setup. I was smart enough to try (for the first time) suspending a tarp over my tent. Smartest thing I've ever done! The weekend was absolutely epic. I made a few new friends and had an absolutely wonderful time with my existing friends. I learned how to play beer darts, how to shot gun a beer...
Friday we went to the beach. Ahh, the beach! So many hotties, such nice weather... it was like I was in a dream. Although it did take me two days to get all the sand off my body :S Guess that's what happens when your only "shower" is the lake lol. The outhouses were much better this year too... they actually cleaned them on a daily basis, provided toilet paper AND hand sanitizer! I was quite impressed!
I didn't catch as many bands as I would have liked, but I'm not too upset about it because I had a fantastic time with my friends. And what does it matter what I'm doing as long as I'm having fun? The weekend was way too short and I'm already looking forward to next year! I have to keep telling myself "don't be sad because it's over, smile because it happened".
I kept a bit of a notebook while I was there and thought I would transfer some of my random thoughts to here. Just keep in mind that I was drinking most of the weekend so some of this may not make as much sense as it did to me at the time.
My thoughts get pretty intense... I need an outlet and this is it.
I haven't left the kid behind who was picked on in school. And I won't let that kid be pushed around ever again. I haven't told a lot of people but my step-dad was verbally and emotionally abusive. I feel bad, like it's not a valid form of abuse and I should suck it up. People probably think I use it as an excuse. Really it could have been a lot worse...
But this is my life as I've lived it, it's all I know and it's made me who I am. I've worked really hard to become the person I am; I'm proud of who I am and I wouldn't change a thing for anyone but myself. I will not sacrifice or compromise unless it is for my own betterment or well-being.
Be honest, especially with yourself.
You're pretty awesome! :)
I even dabbled in something resembling poetry:
I'm tired of being alone
Tired of rejection
Tired of being not enough
Not the right one
Look into my eyes
Look into my soul
And tell it you don't
See what it sees
Feel what it feels
And love the way it loves
Where is the passion?
When did love lose its meaning?
I need more from you
More from life
I live with passion
Fairness and equality
Without compromise.
I don't remember writing that. I have to admit it's not bad for being drunk when I wrote it.
Anyway on to the big life development! This post is really long already and I apologize but there's just so much I want to share. I'm summarizing, believe me!
Basically one of my cousins on my biological dad's side tracked me down on facebook. I've been hesitant to develop relationships with his family... I always thought in my mind that I wanted to get to know him first, then his family. But after attempts in recent years I was starting to feel like that just wasn't going to happen. Long story short, one of my brothers has a ball game in my city next weekend. I've been invited by my cousin to come watch. The rest of the family is really excited about seeing me, but I'm not so sure about my dad and his wife. I don't have good memories of her. At this point I don't think they know I'm going to be there. Anyway, this is huge... even if I only get 30 seconds to talk to him, all I want to say is that I'm okay. I turned out good, I'm happy, healthy, and have done very well for myself. Please be proud of me... I made it through everything okay. I'm not an emotional person and I rarely cry, but just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
Time to wrap this up... until next time...
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