Fun, friends and family

So I promised another blog a week ago and then I got distracted--typical lol. I feel like I've lost my train of thought... sometimes I get something really good going in my head and then if I wait too long to write it down it's gone. Anyway let's see what I can do today...

I've been in an anti-social mood lately. July was busy and I was always going out and doing things. Lately I've been more inclined to stay home and do projects around the condo or go out to my aunt's cabin. I've been spending a lot more time with and keeping in touch with my family lately. But more on family later.

There are people--okay, only one or two people off the top of my head--that I hang out with who I consider "friends" but really, I can't stand to be around them. I think everyone has that... friends of their friends who they are more or less forced to be around sometimes and you've got no choice but to keep the peace and be nice to them. I've been having a harder and harder time tolerating one person in particular. I still hold things against them that they've done in the past. Not just the way they've always treated me, but how they treated their "best friend". When you see the person your best friend REALLY likes making out with someone else... well usually you would try to steer them away from it. When I suggested we steer said best friend in the other direction because "do you think she'd be okay seeing that?" I was faced with a reply of "Why do I care? It's not my problem" Umm okay... last time I checked you guys were best friends. So if that's how you treat your "best friend", what does that say about you as a person? The same friend was "keeper of the house keys" at the best friend's stagette. Then she takes off back to a hotel room with someone else and the best friend has to break into her own house after her stagette because she can't get a hold of the person with her keys. Seriously?!?

Camping was my breaking point with this person. I'm tired of constantly being the butt of their jokes and I really don't see what they're bringing to my life. Friends are supposed to bring happiness into your life and you're supposed to enjoy being around them, but that's definitely not the case with this person. So I think the more I can avoid them, the better. Then they tried setting me up with someone. Okay #1 you know who I'm interested in, and it's not the person you're trying to set me up with. #2 the person you're trying to set me up with has NO interest in me whatsoever--this is clear. And to be honest the feeling is mutual. #3... MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS! Honestly... sometimes this is why I feel like I need a break. People make your business their own and start interfering. I don't like that... I'm a pretty private person and I don't open up to a lot of people. I appreciate people trying to play matchmaker, but seriously, c'mon people! Don't set me up with someone who clearly isn't interested, or who is my polar opposite. I'm not THAT desperate! lol

I've been re-thinking why there are certain people that never seem to invite me to be a part of their plans. Taking a more broad look at it, perhaps it's because I don't make much of an effort to keep in touch with them. Deep down inside I'm still the kid that hid in the corner, too shy to go play with the others. But keeping in touch with EVERYONE is a lot of work, and I think that's why I don't do it. It's not that I don't like people, but there are a dozen or less people that I make a serious effort to keep in touch with and that's it. I love the company of the others but they aren't on my regular text/email list and I'm not on theirs. I'm not sure if this makes me feel better or worse about the whole thing lol. Maybe I just need to stop taking things so personally..... HA! as if that will ever happen lol

On to family. I got to meet my biological dad!! It went much better than I anticipated. He smiled when he saw me and that was all it took for me to break down and start bawling like a baby. Not how I would have liked for it to happen, but I guess it just goes to show how emotionally overwhelmed I was. I got to meet the youngest of my brothers--15 years old and 6'2"!! The older one is going to university and doing very well by the sounds of it. I'm so proud of them and happy for them. By the sounds of it they've had a great up-bringing... lots of opportunities and things I didn't have. I am a tiny bit jealous that I got the short end of the stick (lol), but mostly happy for them. From what I saw and heard they've turned out to be great kids, and I couldn't be happier about that. Plus I've learned a lot from the situation I was in, so not all is lost.

I had my dad and my brother over to my condo for a beer and Pepsi. He said he really liked my place and that he thinks it was a good investment. That made me so happy... I'm glad he got to see how well I'm doing for myself and that I'm going places with my life. The only downside to meeting him is that it's left me with a lot of unanswered questions and things to sort out. What's the truth behind things that happend and what is just a bunch of BS that was fed to me? Apparently my grandma went out for supper with him before he moved away 20-odd years ago. She swore to him that she would look after me and make sure nothing happened to me. Now that I know this (assuming it's true) it makes me even more thankful for my family. They really did step up to the plate and give me opportunities that my parents were "unable" or (in most cases I believe) unwilling to give me. Some of my best childhood memories are the times I spent with my grandma and aunts. Without them I never would have been given the chance to take swimming lessons (which I hated at the time), go to the fair, go to the lake, and so many other things. It really does take a community (or a solid family) to raise a child, and I hate to think about the person I'd be today if it weren't for them. It also makes me proud... and eternally thankful that my step-dad wasn't able to completely cut them out of my life, too.

However this brings up another issue, the issue of my biological dad's family. They have all been very eager to meet me, and at first I thought I was okay with the idea but after meeting my grandparents I've kind of changed my mind. For one thing I found out that my grandparents have been grilling my grandma about me and why I didn't want to meet them, when really, why should she be dragged into it and held accountable? That really made me mad. Leave her out of it. The other thing is that yes, we are blood related... but you all remember me and I have virtually no memory of any of you. It's a terrible thing to say but essentially they're all strangers to me. And I really don't know if I want to get to know them, at least not any time soon. I have some great friends in my life and a family that I love to bits... at this point I just don't feel ready to dive into a whole other family of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. All of whom are virtually strangers to me. I want to get to know my dad and his family first... maybe after seeing where that goes I'll change my mind, but who knows. He's got a pretty big extended family by the sounds of it and I'm a very private person... the thought of meeting all of them makes me feel like a circus side-show.

Anyway only time will tell I suppose. I remember going to see a psychic a couple of years ago and he basically told me that the majority of my life is out of my control... whatever is meant to happen will happen and I just have to go with it. That has been so true... and terribly frustrating for someone with the patience and focus of a goldfish lol. I'd love to go see him again for the fun of it and just to see what he has to say now.

Summer is winding down and I can't help feeling a bit depressed about that. But there is still time to fit a few more golf games in and hopefully more weekends at the lake! I'm working on adding to one of my tattoos in the new year which will make it even more symbolic for me and the journey I've had so far. I'm really looking forward to that! My chance to buy shares in the company is coming up pretty quick, and I'm also toying with the idea of a road trip next February. Lots of good things to look forward to... in the meantime I just have to keep telling myself "ONE DAY AT A TIME!!"

Cheers! :)