Birthday celebrations and a rave review!

What up peeps!

I'm up surprisingly early today considering I went out last night to celebrate my birthday. It's funny because how the evening ended up playing out was totally different from how I thought it would go. I was going to have people over to my place for drinks, go downtown and watch the fireworks festival which was happening this weekend, then maybe head to the bar. What ended up happening is me taking a bunch of beer to my friends' place, a group of us walking down to watch the fireworks, then going back and hanging out at my friends' place until about midnight when we all agreed we didn't feel like going to the bar. I got a ride home--including a stop at McDonald's--and watched some Margaret Cho and read magazines while eating my McDonald's.

I think there's a moral in there somewhere, and a bit of character-building too. Sometimes life doesn't always go as planned, but I think the important thing is that you ride the waves and have fun doing it. I'm happy with how the evening turned out--I got to hang out with some of my most favorite people! Life is also full of choices. I could have had my friends drop me off at the bar before they headed home, but I just wasn't feeling it. The bar isn't "me". I've always preferred smaller groups of people in quieter settings. So why spend my birthday doing something I don't really enjoy? I try to live my life around the philosophy that you should do what you enjoy. I rode the waves last night, made choices as I went along, and am happy with how it turned out. I think that's the most important thing. Lately I keep comparing life to one of those books I used to read as a kid where you had to choose between two outcomes--turn to this page for choice A or this page for choice B. I've been trying not to think so much about the bigger picture (10 steps ahead of myself) but where my choices will take me immediately and if that's something I'm going to be happy with. My ex had all sorts of standards--the only way to have fun was to go out and get completely shitfaced and we had to stay out as late as possible. And don't get me started on the pouting and whining involved if I chose to wear glasses instead of contacts. Anyway I think after a year and a half I'm finally finding my own two feet and my backbone and realizing that when I go out, I'M in charge now. It's kinda neat! :)

I had a nice time down by the river the other day, re-living memories both real and imagined in daydreams. I daydream a lot... sometimes it ends up hurting me in the end though. I get my heart set on something and then when it doesn't happen I'm a wreck. I've got this strange feeling lately that life is going to pull me in a direction other than where I want to go. I feel like I should be bracing myself for a let-down, but at the same time I'm not sure. The jury's still out on that one...

Another thought train that passed through my mind recently: I think I've been disillusioned for the past year or so. I had this 'laundry list' of things I wanted to work on or change about myself. And I think I misled myself into thinking that once I'd worked on everything on the list, I could just stop and I'd be this amazing person. I seemed to forget that change should be constant--sad but true that I managed to let this crucial point slip my mind.

Before I sign off I want to send an extra special shout out to my newest reader--you know who you are! I can't believe you just found out about my blog! Thanks so much for your kind words and great review--"I love it. I really do. I love it. It's raw and emotional and real. It's very cool..." LOVE IT!!

Later y'all...