Let me start by saying I had the most fantastic time last night! It was my friend's birthday party and she had a bunch of people over. That's got to be one of my most favorite things to do, just hang out and have a few drinks at someone's house. I'm really sick of the whole bar scene... I went for like three weeks in a row and now I can't stand the thought of it. It's the same people getting drunk every weekend... you can't hear anything so it's nearly impossible to have a conversation with anyone, and it's kind of a waste of money. I love to get out and dance every once in a while, but I could do without the overpriced drinks and dealing with drunks. Anyway last night was great, I got to see lots of people I haven't seen in a while and it was just a downright good time. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! :)
A while ago I was frustrated because I wasn't really a part of a "group". I remember back in the day when my group of friends was about 10 or 12 people. Now it's easily double or triple that, but people have broken off into smaller "cliques". I was frustrated because I no longer fit into any of those cliques--I'm a floater, so to speak. Lately I've been seeing what a blessing this is. I love everybody and get along with them all great, but I'm not close enough with them to get involved in the drama that undoubtedly arises. I'm not forced to pick sides, and I'm free to hang out with who I want, when I want. I have a few people that I consider very close friends and that will never change. The rest of the time I circulate between the rest of my friends... and it's nice. It keeps things fresh and it keeps me from getting dragged into drama. I'm finally happy with the situation, and I kinda think I'm in a better position than the people who have restricted themselves to one small group. :)
Okay, so once again I am going to go on a rant about my love life. I really don't understand girls. You'd think being that I AM a girl, I'd understand them. But nope! I have very little respect for people who aren't honest with me. I think I mentioned last week that I've lost track of the number of times I've heard "I don't want to ruin the friendship", "I'm not looking for a relationship", "I need time to myself", etc. Or this one girl I would have text message conversations with, and when I asked her out to lunch/dinner she just stopped texting. How subtle... Anyway I understand that you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but you have to at least be honest. Don't say you aren't looking for a relationship and then start dating someone else a week later. It's a small community--I will find out about these things! lol In this particular case I'm not hurt. I go into everything expecting the worst, because that way anything good that happens is a pleasant surprise. It's just frustrating because I know I've been lied to. Yes I know about the whole "if the right person comes along" stipulation, but still. I dunno. I'm tired of going out on a limb and always having the limb break. I guess that's the only way I'll ever find out who actually deserves to be with me though. Sounds conceited, but really... I'm a great person and in retrospect there are a lot of people who would have just been a waste of my time. And I hate wasting my time.
Overall I'm still in a good place. I've been spending time with people that make me happy and balancing that with the "me" time that I think I lacked over the summer. I'm trying not to think about "what next?". I'm willing to admit that I get very lonely sometimes, but whatever is meant to be, will be. Or so I'm told lol.
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