I have talent! I'm actually good at something!

I feel like I'm losing control of myself
I sincerely
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining
But life keeps on complicating

It's been a good week... I haven't been feeling down or over-analyzing things. Except my financial situation, but that's pretty standard lol.

A couple of months ago I made up a bucket list. I always knew in my mind what I wanted to do in life--the things I wanted to learn and the places I wanted to go. But before my birthday I actually wrote it down (because I like lists... and I'm a bit OCD lol) Anyway I'm thrilled to say that I'm actually working on crossing something off the list! I've wanted to learn to play the guitar for a while now... so finally I decided to borrow my mom's and just do it! (rather than buying one since I don't know if I'll stick with it) I'm pleased to say it's going really well... I actually know a couple of chords! It's unreal what this has done for my self-esteem... I have talent! I'm actually good at something! Sadly I won't be a rock star any time soon... but maybe someday... :P I think the guitar is helping me focus on something other than things that may or may not be there--AKA over-analyzing life lol

I recently realized that it's been almost two years since my ex and I broke up. I can't believe how fast time flies. We dated for two years... and now it's almost been two years of being broken up?! That relationship is very much a reference point for my life... I learned a lot from it and in ways I'm still dealing with the effects that it had on me. I found out from a friend that the ex's latest girlfriend is a real bitch and treats her like crap. I said I kinda feel sorry for her now... and my friend said "Don't". True enough. Ya get what ya give, honey...

I get an alumni magazine--for free--from the university I graduated from. More specifically, the college within the university that I graduated from. Every time I get one of these things it makes me feel so inadequate. It always highlights really successful people who are gushing about what a great time they had in university and how it really opened doors for them. It makes me feel like a nobody because I 'only' have a certificate, not an actual bachelor's degree. On the other hand it makes me laugh... how many thousands of grads are there out there who *aren't* as successful as the people in the magazine? There are people working at Wal-Mart, Tim Horton's, driving cabs, and God knows what other jobs who have university degrees that aren't related to what they're doing. Either they're working there because they can't find a job in their totally obscure field or sometimes they're working there by choice. But why aren't THEY in the magazine? It's so stupid, these things are like a way to brag about all the great alumni that went to this college. But you're only sending the magazine to alumni... so they've already been there. And you're only highlighting the people that make oodles of money and have all sorts of letters and titles after their name. It's the kind of phony baloney corporate crap that I'm glad I don't have to deal with at my current job. I still believe I took the right education path for me, and I'm lucky enough to have found an awesome employer who is willing to give me all sorts of opportunities regardless of the fact that I don't have a bachelor's degree. Take THAT everyone who said I'd be a nobody if I didn't get a university degree...

Tomorrow I'm going for coffee with the girl I met last weekend. I already know it's not going to go anywhere more than friends. My head and my heart aren't in it. She's a great girl... but my mind is somewhere else. There's someone else who I had a better "click" with... someone who shares a lot of the same outlooks on life that I do. I have opinions that I've never really shared with anyone for fear of offending them, but this person has the same opinions and had no problem bringing it up in a conversation. I have the utmost respect for them for reasons I won't get into on here. I'm really impressed with myself for trying to slow it down and get to know people before I jump into anything. But it seems like the story of the summer is that the feeling is never mutual. I like someone, they don't like me. Someone likes me, I don't like them. It's frustrating... but I refuse to settle. And to quote someone very near and dear to my heart: "You know who you are and what you want, and don't let your broken heart push you into something you don't want" Okay that sounds funny... I'm not exactly broken-hearted right now, but I am emotional. The concept is so true though... people move from one person to the next in hopes that the new person will heal residual feelings for the previous person, and it rarely works out well.

Anyway I'm outta here. Drinks with friends tonight! :D