Unchained Melody

Well folks... I'd been putting off blogging because to be honest, I just wasn't feeling it. And then I started playing Unchained Melody on the guitar and had a tidal wave of emotion rush over me.

I've been living in my own little bubble for the past month or so and I'm quite enjoying it. Last week was busy, but not with anything in particular. On Friday I watched a movie with some friends. It took us something like 4 hours to get through a movie that was just over two hours long :P It was a great time though, a small group of great people. We had some good, thought-provoking discussions about government and such, which makes me feel fulfilled in a strange sort of way. I like exercising my brain and learning new things, and having discussions with substance. I haven't been to the bar in over a month and I couldn't be happier. It's weird... part of the reason I hate the bar so much is because I can't hear people talking and it makes it hard to have conversations with any sort of substance. I chalked it up to listening to my music too loud in my car and blasting my discman when I was in high school. Anyway last week at work we had to get hearing tests done, and it turns out I have excellent hearing. So I'm starting to think that maybe the reason I can't hear anything at the bar is because the loud bass is drowning out people's voices... and my acute hearing is basically overwhelmed. Regardless, it made me happy to know that I'm not going deaf :)

I caved in and bought a guitar tuner. I'm so glad I did... now I can re-tune my uncooperative guitar whenever I feel like it. I'm coming along quite well and I just might be able to play snippets of several recognizable songs for my family at Christmas. I think I've been at it for about a month now and to be honest I'm kind of surprised I've stuck with it this long. I think it's because I keep seeing progress and that's what motivates me. Plus it's a great outlet... almost every day at work I look forward to coming home and unwinding in front of the computer with my guitar, looking up new songs to try. It's hard to get bored when there are endless songs out there to learn!

I get to pick my best friend and her partner up at the airport tomorrow night--YAY!!! I miss her dorky texts and e-mails... and I miss having someone to talk to. It's been 3 weeks since my doctor visit and I can tell the meds are finally doing their thing. I don't feel nearly as anxious as I used to. But there are still little things that bug me sometimes. Okay, big things... but big things that don't need to be big things, if that makes sense. Anyway I miss my best friend bringing me back down to earth. It's funny, I see people fighting and breaking up friendships over something probably pretty stupid in the grand scheme of things, and I feel lucky that I think my BFF and I are long past that stage. I think it would be awfully hard for either of us to do something that would completely ruin the friendship. Maybe it's just one of those things that develops in time... wow, I guess we have known each other for 9 years. Crazy!

Maybe there isn't really a point to this blog. Unchained Melody just got me feeling really depressed and lonely and I needed someone to talk to. Or write to lol. I've been having some regressive thoughts lately... mostly out of loneliness. I would say boredom, but I'm not really bored. I've been keeping busy and trying to keep my mind active... but when it comes down to it, a lot of what I've been up to is self-created busyness to distract myself. I don't know if that makes any sense but oh well.

One thing I do want to touch on is my new sense of self-awareness. I have to admit I was a bit worried with the new dose of drugs. I was afraid it would numb me to the world and just make me not care. I'm pleased to say that hasn't happened. In fact, I feel like I'm even better at controlling myself and thinking before I speak or act. It's something I definitely have to put a lot of effort into going forward, especially if I want to be in management some day at work. People respect my honesty, but I need to make sure I'm not saying too much to the wrong people, or that my words don't get misinterpreted. I think I'm slowly getting better at biting my tongue when I need to, and I'm proud of myself for it.

Anyway I think I've talked (typed) myself back into a better mood. The funny thing is that I didn't even touch on the true issue that sparked this blog. Ah well... it's for the best. Trying to leave the past in the past and remember the reasons why I am where I am today.

Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much...