I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Don't get me wrong, I've been having lots of fun too. The Tiesto concert was simply amazing, and Winnipeg... wow! More on that later though.
This latest rejection has really gotten to my head. Well that and a combination of other circumstances. It came to the point where I phoned my mom tonight to ask what was wrong with me. It evolved into a wonderful 53 minute conversation. According to her (completely unbiased opinion lol), there is nothing wrong with me. I simply have morals, values, goals, and standards that a lot of people in my community don't have. Rejection hurts me. It is because I have feelings, which apparently is not a bad thing. It was really interesting... my mom acknowledged that I've seen a lot in my life. It takes guts for a parent to say that... acknowledging that they could have done better and that they weren't always a model parent. And there was one example in particular that she brought up... one of those things we never talk about but we both know very well that it happened. I have mixed feelings on a parent dragging a child into their personal wrongdoings. But what's done is done... and I suppose like most things in life, I've learned from it. I've learned a lot actually... a lot more than I probably ever realized up until now. We talked about the things that have shaped me into who I am... a lot of unique circumstances and experiences that make me different from my peers. And that's not a bad thing!
I need to learn to stop comparing myself with others. There are very few people currently in my life that have the same short-term and/or long-term goals as I have. I often admit that I have a tendency to be A.D.D. and jump from one thought/project/ambition/etc. to another completely at random. I need to work on reigning this in and not letting it sway my values, objectives... and what is generally best for me. As I said earlier, I've been having a blast lately. But I'm tired... physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially lol. When my ex and I broke up I set out to "discover myself". And I think I've done a good job so far. It's time to leave the bar behind for a while and get back to the things that I enjoy... spending time with family and friends, doing condo renovations, reading, golfing... and the million other wonderful opportunities summer brings! Life isn't a race and I need to keep reminding myself that I've got no one to compare myself to. The theme to the advice I've been getting lately is "when in doubt, do nothing". Yes... I get lonely sometimes. But I've been fine for the past two years, right? Finding someone to share my life with is not a mission with a deadline. What is meant to be will be.
Winnipeg... ahh yes! I really did enjoy myself, despite what people say about it being a grungy city. On Good Friday we cruised around listening to Ukrainian techno music looking for a strip club--there were none open :( And here I thought Jesus died on the cross so we could watch women get naked and dance on poles! Saturday was a day of triple sins--casino, strippers, and gay bar! And let's not forget my first time eating at the Olive Garden! :) It was a fantastic weekend, and I felt like I was actually able to leave my problems behind and just be free for a weekend (despite getting an upsetting text message from my mom regarding a family member). I think the highlight of the weekend had to be when stripper #1 came up to talk to me afterwards... we were watching stripper #2 perform, and #1 says to #2, "I wish it weren't illegal for me to grab you!" I choked on my drink and almost fell off my chair.
Spring is here and I have a new goal... to live it up however I see fit! ;) As long as I'm happy and doing what's best for my #1--me.
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
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